Sad, Sad Stories from 2011

I’m not sure why the first and only half iron distance triathlon in Portland had to be sponsored by a Christian group (any other religion would have been fine, but I'm sick to death of these uppity Christians), but there it is. I guess I could have lived with it until they blatantly announced active proselytizing at the race, along with a pre-race prayer, the National Anthem and some nonsense about how their group wouldn’t allow someone to be last. One of their members would be last in the last finisher’s stead. So if that happens to be me-which I suppose it could-I would have some jag wagon telling me that Jesus loves me even if I’m DFL (dead fucking last, for those playing at home).

So I’m taking my triathlon dollars out of town to the

http://www.outbackevents.ca/Desert%20Half%20Web%20Site/index.htm

Desert Half Iron in Osoyoos (O-sue-yuss, don’t ask me, they’re Canadians after all), where religion and nationalism are pretty much against the law and as long as you make the cutoff, who gives a fuck what place you’re in? Plus I’ll get that tumor I’ve been putting off having removed taken out FOR FREE to boot! What a country! Too bad aboot all the Canadians, eh?