Honk Off

I consider myself a conscientious, diligent and considerate cyclist. One of the reasons I don't like riding with other people is they drive me nuts with their riding in the street, hugging the outside lane of the bike lane and just generally not riding...like me.

I've driven cars, obviously, and bikers have annoyed me. People in general, whether pedestrians or cyclists, are very much like cattle without the loud bells around their necks. They weave, change direction without reason and if there is two feet of space, through osmosis, they will take the full amount of space. As a pedestrian who walks fast, invariably as I'm approaching from behind, it's like people have backward facing radar and always intercept my trajectory. It is a phenomanon worth studying.

This morning I rode my bike in to work as I have every day this week. I hit the home stretch, a long downhill. I was flying along at 30mph and I had passed a couple of cyclists on the left. I approached another cyclist, hand-signalled and merged about two feet into the street out of the bike lane. A large ram truck laid on the horn. If he had just honked his annoyance, that would have been fine. But he honked, and kept honking. Not only was I about two feet into the lane, but there was also a center lane that he could have used to go around me, plus I was going the speed limit and would have been in the street for a maximum of ten second. So he kept honking, no doubt with the intention that he would stop after I got out of his way or flew over my handlebars and crashed from his masculine and flummoxing horn honking. Instead, still going 30, I merged in front of him. He continued to honk. I slowed down. He continued to honk. I stopped, stopping him and traffic behind him, and shouted "Stop honking!" He kept honking and yelled get out of the way. I just shrugged and finally he stopped. I yelled for him to do something anatomically impossible and I went on my way.

I wasn't angry or infuriated. I had the weapon of righteousness. I knew he was just being a jerk, was having a bad day and was taking it out on a cyclist. I was like "Tank Man," standing up for cyclists everywhere. Okay, so I was a bit self-righteous. But seriously, dude, this isn't Seattle. In Portland, we give bikes a little space. Occasionally, I'll get shouted at for the purpose of startling me, which is sort of funny because I jump every time.

And really, since I've been commuting to work from my new home, I have only had one other altercation, this with a fellow bicyclist who felt, even though we were the only two "vehicles" on the road for miles, that I should announce to him that I was passing him "on your left", even though I passed him with a ten foot arc. I vowed since that incident never to engage in banter with another cyclist on the road unless he/she or I were in distress, or I was being complimented for my steely thighs and buttocks. Otherwise, please don't talk to me.

Every year, pedestrians and cyclists are killed by motorists and yet motorists get super-pissed at people on bicycles. I don't think a bicycle ever killed a motorist or a pedestrian, and really, they should be thanking us for not consuming more gas, and further driving up the cost. But that is logical and when you've got a grudge or an overblown sense of rage, logic has no place.

I'm sure I did not advance motorist-cyclist relations today, but I also don't feel I was unreasonable or self-righteous. Just be cool, people. Let's forgive trespasses and so on and just try to get to work in one piece. And please don't piss me off, because I will throw my bike through your windshield. I've got good insurance.