Tattoo or Not To

Tattooing has been around for quite some time and as a gen-exer, I saw the advent of my peers making it cool to inject ink under the skin. Just like everyone, I desperately wanted to be cool and suffered through pierced ears and haircuts of varying coolness. My coolness seeking is as tortured as my title rhyming.

I've thought about getting a tattoo for years and could never think of anything worth permanently affixing to my body. There is something authentic about not having a tattoo since it seems like everyone is getting some kind of tattoo these days. I may be a bit of an age-ist, but when I see fifty year olds with pierced eyebrows and fresh tats, I think it's kind of lame. And someone like me referring to tattoos as "tats" is equally squirm-inducing.

The only tattoo I am vaguely interested in is something commemorating my completion of an LDT.

There was an M-Dot debate raging in Triathlete Magazine a while back. It's a pretty cool logo, recognizable, but then the debate got into whether someone who didn't actually go to Hawaii was worthy, among other rather mean-spirited dismissals and then the self-doubt started and I fell back on not wanting to join a club that would have me as a member. Validation from others also invites condemnation, and the latter outweighs the former 3 to 1 in my world.

I have rebellious, anti-corporate roots, that impotent, white person rage that is self-defeating, pointless and ludicrous to boot, considering the relatively privileged upbringing I had. I am a complete sellout at this point, having realized that being poor and rebellious is just sucky, given an actual choice. Having fully sold out to the Man (I am the Man now), I can now afford to do stuff that I couldn't before. I could have sustained my rage at the world with a healthy trust fund, but alas I was forced to become a contributing member of society, dragged kicking and screaming.

Nonetheless, until Nike pays me $50 million, not only will I not get a swoosh tattoo, I won't even wear their apparel. You're going to charge me $150 for shoes that cost $3 to make? Be like Mike? Big deal, lots of people can slam a basketball and maybe those dopes want overpriced sneakers, but not me.

 There is some ingratitude there as I am a graduate of the University of Oregon, which will any day now be renamed "The University of Nike/Knight Campus" for how much money that has been donated by Nike and Friends.

The M-Dot is a logo for a very successful brand which I respect. And I wouldn't mind engaging in some bragging with a nice tattoo on my calf for all to see (as they pass me on my bike, for example), but do I want to pay hundreds of dollars for an ad placement for a company that charges me hundreds of dollars per event? Plus, do I want to become embroiled in a controversy over whether I even deserve to have myself branded with an M-Dot?

I keep trying to come up with a logo of my own design to symbolize triathlon, but my one-dimensional imagination can only muster an image of a hammer and anvil, which seems rather Soviet. Or three stick figure logos for bike/swim/run/, which is just bad design and reminds me of a campground. 

So I may go to my grave with skin unmarked by anything but sun damage, bike seat rash, crusty, wrinkly feet and goggle marks. I think I can live with that. Unless Ironman, Inc., wants to cough up $50 million dollars to a backpacker, that is.