NTSB Issues Warning: Bug strike Danger Critical

I had several near-miss bug-down-the-throat incidences yesterday during my brief ride, including one bug in the ear and a yellow jacket that smacked me in the face and then sped off, without stinging me, bless him. There is nothing more horrifying than a bug down the throat and I can only be thankful that the largest bug to make a sojourn down my gullet has been a gnat, twice while running and once while biking. It takes hours to expel an insect from the throat, so I have mastered the art of "catch and spit," expelling them before they hit the esophagus. This is the one creditable reason for nasal breathing, which I briefly embraced but disgarded after near-suffocation.

 I have contemplated creating and patenting a discrete bug filter called "Bug Begone" consisting of a rubber ring covered by the mesh of a window screen and held on by an equally discrete rubber band, but I haven't yet created a prototype. Obviously because it's a silly device that no one would actually buy or use. Though I probably would, I mean, I use cut up t-shirts as head bands and still use platform pedals. And as soon as I find one, I will be installing a kick stand on my bike. Shame is a stranger to me.

I'm off to do my 2-hour ride, during which I'll be stopping at the grocery store for some ground pork (it's pizza night/Survivor finale! Life is good) and protein for the week.